A Modest Proposal

Barack ObamaHere’s something I don’t understand: Why do people think the President directly controls job creation (or lack thereof). Yeah, yeah, I know. Macro-economy, market stability, blah, blah, blah. But, come on. One person can’t control all of the factors that go into the health and stability of the economy. And he certainly can’t solely control unemployment. He doesn’t hire people. He doesn’t fire people. He’s the President. At best, he can make (hopefully educated) suggestions and make a good speech to rally support.

Which brings me to my proposal. Here’s what I think Obama should do:

  1. Hold an evening address from the Oval Office. Primetime. All major networks. Explain how much the unemployment rate is hurting the economy, yada, yada, yada. To help remedy the situation, publically mandate that every business in America must hire at least one extra person by January 31, 2012. Thank (and make sure to God bless) the American public and say goodnight.
  2. Wait 3 seconds for the backlash to explode on Fox News. They will howl and they will wail:

    “How can the President do this?!”

    “He doesn’t have the authority!”

    “Only Congress can make laws!”

    “He’s trying to destroy the Constitution!”

    “Muslim!”

    “Socialist!”

    “Muslim Socialist!”

  3. The next night, hold another evening address from the Oval Office. Same time. Same coverage. Same everything. Even wear the same suit and tie. We’re going for reproduction value here, people. Repeat what you said last night. To the word. When you’re done, play the most bombastic Fox News clip from the night before that explains the notion that the President has no power to mandate job creation. Extra points for a socialism tie-in.

    As the broadcast comes back to you, say “So let me get this straight…I can’t make businesses create jobs, yet you criticize me for not creating jobs. What the fuck? Goodnight and God bless America.”

Boom!

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